CONFESSION: I thought about quitting this blog last week. Gladly, I've decided to stick with it, but here's an explanation...
I had
hit a wall with blogging. It used to be something fun for me…I love to write
and being able to express myself through a page I designed on my own was a
perfect hobby. I also loved gaining inspiration from other bloggers - whether it was fashion, interior design, or just living life in general.
But there have been a few negatives to this blogging “thing”...
But there have been a few negatives to this blogging “thing”...
- I put a lot of time and effort into my blog. That equals time I could be using to play with my kids, have meaningful conversations with my hubby, or just plain get shit done around the house. {My laundry piles higher by the day and my floors literally grasp my bare feet.} And for what/whom do I do this? I want people to read my posts…but I don’t really know if they do. I go weeks without a single comment – and I typically post every weekday, so my blog is considered “active” and full of content. Where is everybody? Am I missing something? I constantly find myself wondering what I’m doing wrong…what I’m not doing that “successful” bloggers are. After just over a year with this blog, with the exception of my Facebook page, my followers are less than 100. I watch other blogs grow to hundreds, even thousands sometimes, in their first year. Maybe I’m just not that lovable? It’s a kick in the crotch to my ego.
- In relation to bullet point #1, I have blog envy. I literally read some people’s blog posts and get bored, yet find they have loyal readers and constant commenters on their posts. I don’t get it. I find myself feeling bad about myself when I read some of these blogs. Blogs are supposed to be read for enjoyment…I’m not getting that most of the time. I’ve literally stopped following certain blogs because of this. It’s stupid and superficial, I know, but I can’t help myself. This post on jealousy and envy in the blogging community helped me know I was not alone in my feelings as well as offered tips on dealing with it.
- I have friends, friends of friends and acquaintances that are active in Blogland. They have blogs of their own, or read many daily. Some of these “friends” aren’t even following my blog or social media pages. They know I have a blog. I comment on their blogs regularly. I follow their social media pages and/or their blogs. Yet they seemingly pretend I don’t exist. This is probably the worst thing I’ve found in my personal blogging experience. Some people are fake, pretentious and/or snobby…it hurts to find out this way. The worst part is not knowing why. And while I should feel like that is a personal issue of theirs, it still hurts me. I always hear about this “supportive” world of blogging…yet I don’t even feel supported by those in the blogging community that I actually know outside of the Internet. That’s sort of like blog code…you follow your friends or people you actually know…otherwise it’s a fucking slap in the face. I must say this post I found did make me feel a little better.
- I’m not rich. This is more apparent to me than ever now that I’m a blogger. I don’t own a DVF dress or a pair of Jimmy Choo’s. Again, a hit to the ego when many of these bloggers are constantly flaunting their seemingly daily would-cost-me-an-entire-paycheck purchases. Even worse when they don’t even have to have a job. I hate feeling inadequate about my life because I shouldn’t. Yet seeing this stuff every day leaves me wanting more. It’s natural to want things, but it gets out of hand when you start doubting the value of all the things you already do have. I’ve lost that balance and healthy point of view and I need to get it back.
So basically, I’d just been feeling down lately and I chalked a lot of it up to blogging. This hobby had stopped being fulfilling…it was causing more angst than joy. I felt like I was not always being authentic in my posts. Sometimes I’d post to “keep up” and stay relevant.
However, I knew I truly didn't want to STOP blogging, but I needed to figure out what I want to get out of it, what I truly want to be blogging about and whether I want to continue reading some of the blogs that I do...or at least working on myself so I don't feel of less value as a person just because someone can afford things I can't or travels places I don't.
I'm also going to stop putting my time and energy into unsupportive people, whether it be in the Blogosphere or real life.
Maybe some of you have felt or do feel this way…how have you dealt with it? I thought about not posting this…but in the end, I had to. It’s one of those honest, raw, from-the-heart posts.
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