As a mom, I feel I have faltered in many ways...I have triumphed too. I am no picture of perfection...I try as I may, and try as I might, but the truth of the matter is I always, ALWAYS have room to improve. I know today with Facebook and all other sorts of social media, it is enticing to paint this picture of perfection for your friends and followers...it can be hard to admit when you are struggling with some facet of life, or just when something isn't going right when everyone else's "lives" are seemingly perfect. Even though I too get caught up in painting that perfect picture, I am able and willing to admit there are situations that get the best of me...when I don't have all the answers, when I'm at my wit's end...when I feel hopeless. I am so glad I have this blog because it is a great outlet for venting and reflecting.
My husband and I believe in raising our children in a Christian manner...we believe in taking them to church, teaching them prayer and teaching them about God and His love. However, I would not consider myself a true "praying mom". While I know at times I have my talks with God and a relationship of sorts with Him, I do feel that I am lacking in truly pursuing a better one and also being better about pursuing a relationship with my children when it comes to consistently praying with them {and I don't mean the dinnertime "bless this food to our bodies" yada yada yada...I mean a true, heartfelt daily prayer with them and for them.}
Tanner is my strong-willed child...he is my first and he has had struggles when it comes to school and general socializing. Jake and I have tried so many things to help him in this area...we have had years of trial and error. This weekend, I had an a-ha moment at church service. Our pastor was talking about a 30-day Gospel reading challenge {which I fully plan to participate in} and not just believing in Christ, but following Him. It truly made me realize that when it comes to Tanner, one thing I have not been diligent in with my effort to help him, is utilizing the power of prayer. I made the decision right then and there that I would pray with him every day before I take him to the bus stop for school.
On Monday, when it was time to go back to school after the holiday break, I sat with him a few moments after he ate his breakfast and we held hands and I prayed aloud for him. I simply prayed for a blessing on his day, for him to feel God's love for him, for God to bring good friends into his life and for him to make good decisions and strive to do well in all things he tries. The smile on his face and happiness in his eyes after we said "Amen" was so moving to me. I will admit that in recent years, I've felt a big strain on my relationship with him...there was always so much disappointment on my part for certain behaviors he would have and I would have to come down on him hard more than I liked to. He too had become hard and closed off, which broke my heart to see. All of this has had a heaviness on my life for a few years now, and I know it must on his as well. I know he just wants to feel loved and know that I'm on his team. He is naturally a loving, sensitive sweetheart of a kid and it hurts me to ever see him suffer from frustration and being misunderstood. It almost seemed with that one praying moment together, his heart softened and felt my love for him. I want him to feel my love for him every day. There was a time when we were best buds and I miss that. I know he must too.
Of course the goal is for our prayers to become more specific each day...hoping he will open up to me with any struggles he is going through so that we can pray together about them.
I did present my resolutions for 2015 here yesterday, but I definitely want to add to the very top of that list:
Praying with and for my children individually every day.
I know it's important because I can see what just one time has done for Tanner. He had a happy day at school that day and I know it was because he started it off with a happy, full heart. Even that evening, he happily did his homework {many days it is a whiny battle}, he would also just come up and randomly give me a hug...his overall attitude toward everyone was a 360 from what it has been. Even when he didn't get his way {i.e. he has been grounded from his video games this week due to attitude}, he wasn't trying to argue with me until we were both red in the face...he would just accept it and move on. I can only hope to see more and more improvement like this in the coming months. He truly is a good kid with a big heart. The following morning after he had finished his breakfast, he called to me and said, "Mom, ready to pray?" Be still my heart. He loves it.
One day when I'm no longer here, I want him to remember me as a happy, encouraging mother who loved him with all her heart and made it known to him...not a disappointed, angry mother who didn't try harder to understand him. I know a large part of his self-confidence will come from me and I want him to know every day how amazing I believe he is, so that he too feels that way about himself.
Back to the 30-day Gospel Challenge: I was challenged by my pastor to read three chapters from Mark, Luke and John every day for 30 days...it can either be three chapters from one of them, or one chapter of each of them, especially focusing on the red print {Jesus' words}. If you feel encouraged to take on this challenge for the next 30 days, I'd love for you to join me.
Linking Up With: Pampers &
Pearls // Fitness Blondie
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