Unrecognizable

Took a little trip to the gym on my lunch hour today...thought it would be nice to get back in my home away from home since I have spent the last few weeks walking outdoors and doing my weight-training and prenatal yoga at home. I was WRONG. Unlike the outdoors and the spare bedroom (soon to be nursery!), the gym has mirrors. Big ones. Wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling. Everywhere you turn, there YOU are. Now, normally, I don't mind this, I mean pre-prego I didn't think my reflection was too shabby. Sure I had my bad days, but overall, I was proud of what I had accomplished during all those years of dedication to the gym. Today was a bit different...I am now just about 19 weeks pregnant and definitely a little larger at this point than I was with Tanner at about the same time frame. In my daily wear, I really just felt I was still pretty much "all-belly", so much to the point that I have thought in the back of my mind that this may very well be a 2nd boy for me. But today, in my t-shirt and sweatpants, I could see every bit of definition (not the muscular kind)...wider hips, bigger butt and the thighs (oh, the thighs!) staring me right in the face!

Could that really be ME?!

Yes. (sigh)

I'm unrecognizable...I mean, I KNEW to expect to lose my flat, toned stomach (duh!), but now all this? And I'm only just about HALF way through! How much bigger could they get? (Oh, I should dare not ask that question. And those of you with experience or opinion, please refrain from sharing. I do have hormones - and I will hurt you.) Now all that is flashing in my mind is what I will see in the mirror a few weeks post-birth (when it's no longer socially acceptable to look like a whale - although, it should be considering the amount of time it takes to gain the weight (you don't lose it all in the hospital after all!), but people are always understanding if you're fat when you're pregnant, so much to the point that they even call you cute, beautiful or glowing...after the baby comes out, you're just overweight & jiggly...and no one thinks that's cute. Sad, but true.

Then there's my hubby...whose ONE job during this pregnancy is to be supportive in every possible way (hey, I'm making a human here - you've got the EASY job!)...but when I have my episodes of self-pity and body digust, does he cheer me up (tell me what I want to hear) or make me feel like I'm not fat (even if he has to lie)? Or even just reassure me how he knows I'll have my body back in no time?

NO!

He tells me to "shut up". I should "enjoy" this. I'll tell you what I would enjoy...MEN having the babies. Yeah, so hubby, until that happens, you just "shut up" and tell me what I want to hear. All you have to do is listen to me complain and support it, is that too much to ask?

As much as I love the gym...I no longer walk out of it feeling happy and accomplished...now I just walk out feeling fatter than I did when I walked in. Maybe now that it's Spring and Summer will be here before I know it, I will just stick mainly to outdoor and home workouts...I don't need to be reminded how many fat rolls I've accumulated.

Ignorance is bliss.

 

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