Fatal Attraction...Sort Of.

Husbands.

We love them, adore them...most of us would do just about anything for them. They are the loves of our lives, the ones we chose to spend the rest of our lives with.

What attracted you to your husband? Does he have cute little quirks? A room-brightening smile? A cute tush? Is he romantic?

There are so many things that attracted me to Jake. I remember not even seeing him at first and chatting up his friend (also named Jake), thinking he was cute and fun. I don't even remember what he and I were talking about when [my] Jake interrupted and entered himself into the conversation. I turned to look at him and in that moment I must have decided that for the rest of the conversation, my attention would be solely focused on him. He was devastatingly handsome - you know, tan, tall, nice smile, warm eyes...I would have forgotten old "what's-his-name's" name if it hadn't been the same as Jake's. Eventually, the conversation ended up turning into just Jake and me as his friend turned his attention to one of my friends instead (realizing my interest had obviously changed directions).

One big thing about Jake is his love of sports and competition. He is a great athlete. I've always been attracted to guys that are good at sports. When we moved to South Carolina when I was pregnant with Tanner, I learned how much he loved to play beach volleyball. He has a group of friends here who are obsessed with the game and come out to play as often as they can. I thought it was awesome - we would just hang out at the beach all day. He would play game after game after game as I laid out on the sidelines socializing with the other wives'/girlfriends.

Then, we had Tanner.

And he continued to try to play as much as he did prior to becoming a father. As if he didn't even take into consideration that I would be the one that always had to watch the baby while he played...and I rarely got free time of my own to do anything I loved. In Jake's mind, his "needs" took precedence. He would organize his life around making time to hit the beach and play. I was automatically expected to come out there with Tanner in tow and spend all day out there - I think in some way, he felt that if we were there with him, he wasn't neglecting spending time with us, so he wouldn't feel guilty. He could have his cake and eat it too. But whatever, most days it was alright. Tanner was a good baby and we made it through. I would also make him take over duty between games so I could at least relax in the sun a little. (Hey, I love the beach too!)

Now we have Breckin too. And you guessed it, Jake is still trying to play volleyball as often as possible. I don't think I would mind so much, except for the fact that I now have a job with crazy hours...I work 3 days a week for 13-14 hours per shift. So of course, we have a sitter on my work days that fall on a weekday, then Jake comes home and watches the boys. But on my days off, he automatically assumes that he can go straight to the beach after work to play, with the attitude that he "earned" it by taking care of the boys all the days that I work. (God, the things I must have "earned" over the last 5 or so years if that's the case.) So then, I'm with the boys all day on my days off (which I love), and Jake doesn't get home until around 8pm when they are already in bed for the night. So now his volleyball is cutting into the limited quality time he has to spend with me and for all of us to spend together as a family. It will seem that he doesn't feel the need to carve out much time for that at all. I guess a part of me just wishes he would be satisfied playing just one day a week...that he would realize he's a father now and doesn't have that luxury to just do whatever hobby he wants all the time. I certainly don't get many hobbies of my own. I have the gym, but I only get to do that because they have a childcare room, so it's not like I'm leaving Jake to do everything so I can get my hobby in.

So, yeah, I was really attracted to the love of sports and athleticism before (and really I still am) but it is often the bane of my existence now. Eventually, I'll get him to see my side...he is getting better though and realizing that he needs to make the most of the time we have to spend as a family rather than putting volleyball first. Maybe he's finally growing up.