Among all these things are also thoughts of apprehension. The closer it gets, I start to question myself...will I have what it takes to handle three kids all in different stages? ...will the baby ever be able to nap in peace with my loud and crazy boys around? ...will I be able to keep up with all of their needs at the same time as well as all the housework? ...will I ever find time for myself again?
Just so many things...everyone says going from one child to two is the hard part...after that, it's a breeze adding them in. I hope they're right, but I'm not so sure. I actually felt going from one to two was fairly easy...granted, my oldest was almost 5 at the time. Now, they will simply outnumber Jake and me.
As much as I love these boys...they can be a lot to take. I mean, just look at them:
Lots of life and "personality" packed into those two. I cringe at the thought of being absolutely exhausted and finally getting baby girl down to nap, and then one of their very regular sibling fights breaks out...one screaming and crying...or them being all riled up like boys get and the echoing pounding of their feet across the floor or of toys being tossed around, waking her up leaving me to start all over getting her back to sleep {over and over and over again}.
I also worry that being home with Breckin and her during the day will leave Breckin feeling neglected as I try to get the hang of our breastfeeding schedule and am constantly feeding her around the clock. He's the type that loves to have someone to play with and will feel hurt if I don't "have time" at that moment. I don't want him to feel like his needs aren't important to me too. I can only pray that breastfeeding goes well, but I know what a struggle those first several weeks can be.
I find comfort in knowing that my feelings and fears are normal...but that doesn't mean I won't face these obstacles and feel like a stressed out mess, or worse, a mommy failure. But one thing I do know is that this baby girl is coming...and I've got to find a way to roll with the punches and get my family on board with what's to come.
On the other hand, I know what a wonderful experience it is to have a new baby in the house, and I can only pray that my boys find it a wonderful experience as well. We are looking forward to finally holding this baby girl in our arms, seeing her beautiful face and watching her grow.
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