Thursday Thoughts: Apprehension

I've been a little stir-crazy these past few days...eagerly awaiting my baby girl's arrival, attempting to get so many things done around the house...and just waiting, waiting, waiting....wondering with each and every contraction if "this is it".

Among all these things are also thoughts of apprehension. The closer it gets, I start to question myself...will I have what it takes to handle three kids all in different stages? ...will the baby ever be able to nap in peace with my loud and crazy boys around? ...will I be able to keep up with all of their needs at the same time as well as all the housework? ...will I ever find time for myself again?

Just so many things...everyone says going from one child to two is the hard part...after that, it's a breeze adding them in. I hope they're right, but I'm not so sure. I actually felt going from one to two was fairly easy...granted, my oldest was almost 5 at the time. Now, they will simply outnumber Jake and me.

As much as I love these boys...they can be a lot to take. I mean, just look at them:

Lots of life and "personality" packed into those two. I cringe at the thought of being absolutely exhausted and finally getting baby girl down to nap, and then one of their very regular sibling fights breaks out...one screaming and crying...or them being all riled up like boys get and the echoing pounding of their feet across the floor or of toys being tossed around, waking her up leaving me to start all over getting her back to sleep {over and over and over again}.

I also worry that being home with Breckin and her during the day will leave Breckin feeling neglected as I try to get the hang of our breastfeeding schedule and am constantly feeding her around the clock. He's the type that loves to have someone to play with and will feel hurt if I don't "have time" at that moment. I don't want him to feel like his needs aren't important to me too. I can only pray that breastfeeding goes well, but I know what a struggle those first several weeks can be.

I find comfort in knowing that my feelings and fears are normal...but that doesn't mean I won't face these obstacles and feel like a stressed out mess, or worse, a mommy failure. But one thing I do know is that this baby girl is coming...and I've got to find a way to roll with the punches and get my family on board with what's to come.

On the other hand, I know what a wonderful experience it is to have a new baby in the house, and I can only pray that my boys find it a wonderful experience as well. We are looking forward to finally holding this baby girl in our arms, seeing her beautiful face and watching her grow.

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I Have A Jealous Child

When you bring home the second child (or third, fourth, etc.), you may find some jealousy come from one or more of your other children. It's commonly called "The First Child Syndrome". Well, I have a bit of a different situation going on...my jealous child is my Siberian Husky, Dakotah. I suppose she thought of herself as the baby (we did get her after Tanner, after all). She was definitely a spoiled dog - sleeping in our room (often on our bed), going on walks all of the time, having run of the house...etc.

Well, once Breckin came along, I have to admit some things changed for Dakotah. She wasn't allowed in as much when he was younger for fear that her howl and general talkativeness would cause him to wake from his naps. Also, she sheds like crazy, and the last thing I needed with a new infant was to have to vacuum the house every day. Some of her walks were given to Breckin instead. She had come to expect a certain amount of attention, and once he came along, it diminished quite a bit.

She's never been hostile toward Breckin, but shows her jealousy by trying to nuzzle up between Breckin and me when I'm playing with him on his play mat. Or anytime I'm cooing at him and talking to him in a babyish high-pitched voice, she automatically trots over and tries to rub up on me and again, get between the baby and me. She even tries to crawl her way into my lap and if I don't let her, she actually tries to use her paw to pull my hand toward her to let me know she would like to be pet. If I gently push her away, she starts talking back (I'm serious). Siberian Huskies are known for talking (you can YouTube it to see what I mean). So what she does is she howls at me in a low tone to let me know of her disapproval for the way she's being treated. And she will go on and on and on....and on. Then after that little fit, she generally goes and finds a spot to lay down...and let's out an loud, and completely obvious, sigh of disappointment. I mean, c'mon, does YOUR dog do that?

I absolutely love my dog...because she has this crazy personality as if she actually thinks she is a baby, almost human, and should be treated as such. We've slowly let her have run of the house again in the last couple months and she's back to sleeping in our room - on the floor. And once the weather warms up a bit, she'll be going on a lot more runs with me. She's my little princess - and definitely acts as such. So I guess in a way, I do have my girl.