Five on Friday

{one}

This big guy finished 3rd grade yesterday, I took him out on our annual end of school year mother/son dessert date to celebrate. He and I don't get a lot of quality one-on-one time, so it was definitely nice to have that.

{two}

Speaking of school being out, I don't know about y'all, but my kids come home with a buttload of artwork, certificates and other school paperwork at the end of each school year. Yesterday, I shared an old post that shows you how I tackle organizing the "keepers" to be treasured for years to come. Check it out if you missed it!

{three}

Yesterday marked one year since this happened. Read my post from last year. So very grateful my kids and I are alive and well...my Timehop app will continue to remind me once a year how very fortunate we were that day.

{four}

Headed to Party at the Point with some friends tonight after work. It's a fun local thing where they have a band, usually some sort of tribute band. Tonight it's Banana Pancakes, a Jack Johnson tribute band, so it should be pretty chill.


{five}

And that's all she wrote! Happy Friday!

Linking Up With:

Mondays: Life Of Meg // Still Being Molly // Lipgloss & Crayons // B Loved Boston // Fizz & Frosting // More Pieces of Me

Tuesdays: Bless Her Heart Y’All // 2 Cats & Chloe // Style Elixir // Designed Décor // Enjoy The View // Olives 'n Wine // Confident Twosdays

Wednesdays: Pampers & Pearls // Fitness Blondie // Because Shanna Said So // The Pleated Poppy // Get Your Pretty On // Let It Be Beautiful // Tucker Up // Pumps & Pushups // Shopping My Closet // Cappuccino & Fashion // Classy Yet Trendy // Book of Leisure

Thursdays: Home of Malones // East Coast Chic // Living In Color Style // Stylin’ In St. Louis // What I Wore To Work // What Wives Wear // Look What I Got // ThrowBack Thursday
Fridays: Hello, Happiness! // The Good Life // A. Liz Adventures // Carolina Charm // Lauren Elizabeth // Meet @ The Barre // September Farm // The Farmer’s Wife // All The Joys // Momfessionals

Thoughts for Thursday: PTSD

I rarely get serious on this blog, but I feel like I need to be open about what I've been going through the past 8 weeks or so since my car accident.

I haven't seen a doctor about it yet, but I'm pretty sure I'm suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. I have been in a lot of car accidents. A LOT. I don't know a single person that's been in more wrecks than me. I've been in many fender benders, a couple which I'll admit were my fault, but mostly I just seem to have a knack for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I've had someone merge into me. I've been in four head-on collisions....yes, you read that right...FOUR head-on collisions. I drove a Dodge Ram that had it's front end replaced twice and it's tailgate once. I've been hit by an airbag twice. I was hit by a car when I was eight years old. Even after all of that, I have never gotten the anxiety I have now.

That wreck last month was the first wreck I had ever been in with my kids in the car. That wreck was the first wreck where I actually thought I was going to die upon impact. I wonder if it's for these very reasons that I have PTSD this time. Miraculously, none of us were hurt.

Some days are better than others, but often now on the road, especially when I've got my kids with me, I have the images of that accident replay in my head. These flashbacks cause me to get a knot in my stomach and clench my hands on the wheel. I watch the drivers going in the opposite direction toward me and always feel like they are going to swerve into my lane. I get startled at times and press on the brakes. I am always paranoid that someone is going to do something crazy-stupid and hit me. I sometimes have a hard time going the speed limit when it's over 35...I make myself, but I am nervous the whole time. I've had nightmares about the car accident.

I don't really know what to do about this, other than work through it. Part of working through it is admitting openly that I am suffering from this.

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The Moment Before Impact

You know those last few moments you have before something really bad is about to happen...where it seems like time freezes and so much races through your thoughts at once? Sometimes life, certain images or people flash before your eyes as you brace for the impact of a possibly life-changing or life-taking event. This happened to me on Wednesday night.

It was of course a rather normal day. Around 20 min to 5pm, I got Breckin, Farrah and I in the car and ready to go pick up Tanner from his after school care. After just a few minutes on the busy two-lane highway by our house, I saw a Jeep Liberty driving in the opposite lane coming toward me start to gradually glide over into my lane...I remember thinking "Oh my God, she's not correcting herself..." and all of a sudden, she strikes the truck traveling in front of me (I was about four or five car lengths behind him). This hit sent her sliding down my lane on only her two driver-side tires headed straight for me. I braked so hard and remember knowing at that point there was nothing I could do to avoid the wreck. She was coming at me and it was all happening so fast and I didn't have enough distance to stop since she was closing in and I of course couldn't swerve into the oncoming traffic lane. I remember my thoughts during the last seconds before our impact: "This is it, I'm going to die, or be permanently injured at best. Please God, protect my children."

Next was a loud BOOM and an instant deploy of my airbag.

What I heard next was both chilling and relieving at the same time. Both Breckin and Farrah began crying. I was out of that car within 5 seconds of it stopping. I had so much adrenalin that I didn't even know if I was hurt or not...and I just didn't care. I was alive and able to move...that was all I needed. I swung Breckin's door open and quickly unbuckled his carseat and set him on the ground as I went to get Farrah from her carseat. I was acting so hastily because of course I wanted to see them and hold them and inspect them up and down for injuries...but also in the back of my mind was the worry that maybe the engine would catch fire...I just HAD to get them out and away from that vehicle. I couldn't reach Farrah over Breckin's carseat, so I went to the other side and as I did, the woman responsible for the wreck was next to me in her vehicle trying to get out. She had blood streaming down her face...her windshield had broken in on her. I remember her saying to me, "Please help me, my foot is stuck..." and she seemed so disoriented. But my mind was on Farrah and getting her out...and I quickly said "I'm so sorry, I have to get my baby." Almost immediately, the two businesses across the street had people out helping us and directing traffic. I am so thankful to them. I couldn't open Farrah's door all of the way and I remember asking the men that had come to our aid to please help me get my baby out of the vehicle. I was frantic.

They took Breckin to one of the offices so he could be in air conditioning and have a drink of water and some candy (anything to make him feel better) as I tended to Farrah...who despite everything was sleeping peacefully in my arms (which of course had me worrying that maybe her head had been shaken and she wasn't very responsive). Four-week-olds can't really tell you if anything is wrong. I just held her and kissed her over and over and repeated "It's OK...it's OK...it's OK..." We called my husband and gave him the news that as far as we could see, we were all OK and that he needed to go get Tanner for me and get to the wreck site as soon as possible (which would be a daunting task since we just held up traffic at a quarter to 5pm.)

My husband eventually arrived. The guy in the truck that had been struck (also OK) and I both gave our accounts of what happened to the police. The EMS came and checked out my children and were confident they were fine - not so much as a scratch on either of them (thank the Lord). I had some bruising and burns from the air bag, but I was thankful it was just that.

I've been in car accidents before...but this was by far the scariest. I have never been in a wreck with my children. It's amazing the thoughts that go through your mind...my only worry being that they be protected. I thought I was a goner, so I wasn't wasting my prayers on me.

Here are some pictures from the accident. Ours is the red Jeep. You will see why I think it's a miracle all parties pretty much walked away without serious injuries. The woman driving the Jeep was taken to the hospital for her cuts, but she is ultimately fine.

We actually decided to go ahead and get a new car knowing that insurance was going to call this a total loss. You'll never believe the first thing that came up in my search under SUVs in my price range:



Haha, yep. A year newer, the nicer model and 50K less miles. After that wreck, I feel confident driving this. My cargo is too precious.

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Scarred.

I don't know anyone who doesn't have a scar. (With the exception of newborn babies and Breckin.) Scars are so interesting. Most people hate having scars...some can be pretty gruesome. Then there are some that just look cool...like maybe a cut that separates an eyebrow or something (think Luke Perry). Just about every scar has a story. I don't have any huge scars, but I do have some with good stories behind them.
The first one that comes to mind is my left elbow. When I bend my elbow, it's not too noticeable, but when I straighten it, it looks all gross and wrinkly. Surprisingly, as small as it is, it's the biggest one I have from a day where I could have (and probably should have) died. I guess instead of the word "surprisingly", I should say "thankfully".
It was April 20th, 1992. I had just turned 9 years old six days earlier. I was playing down the street with my best friend (at the time), Shilah. Down the street from our house was an irrigation canal...it was probably only about 5 feet wide and 5 feet deep. On this particular day, the water in it was very low, maybe about a foot deep. We were playing in it (looking back, probably not the smartest thing), jumping back and forth over it. Well, I ended up stumbling and falling on my a** right in the water. So I was soaked from the waist down. I asked Shilah if I could borrow her bike to ride to my house just down the street to change my clothes. Wait, why didn't I have my bike you ask? Get ready for some irony. I was grounded from my bike that week because my mom had caught me riding without a helmet. OK, here comes the irony...
I quickly scanned the street, and I think I only looked one way. Pulled out into the street and the last thing I remember is looking down at my right foot and literally seeing a bumper a couple inches from it. BLACKOUT.
Oh yes, the irony here is, I was riding a bike without a helmet (didn't have mine since I was grounded from my bike!) and I got hit by a car.
The reason I say I should have died is because this particular car was a Suburban going 35mph. But me, I ended up with some scrapes (including a big one on my left elbow) and bruises. Not one broken bone...unless you count my chipped bottom front tooth.
Oh, the crappy part...I get hit by a car, and my friend Shilah gets a new mountain bike from the woman that hit me. I got some flowers and a teddy bear. If only I had been riding MY bike. Her bike wasn't even a mountain bike - it was a cheesy girls' bike. Oh well, I guess I'm alive. I'll be thankful for that.