Acceptance

I'm at a point in my pregnancy where I look at myself and can't fathom how I could possibly get any bigger. Yet, I know that it's going to happen...it's just not possible to expect not to grow over these final 18 weeks. But I'm also at a point where I've decided to just make peace with it and accept it. I have to have faith in myself that I will have enough discipline to reclaim my former size, or hopefully even better than that. I have to stop being hard on myself and shaming what I see in the mirror. I've done it before, twice now...I'll do it again. That's what I need to tell myself from now on. I need to learn acceptance of this body as it is now...making and carrying my daughter...who will be more precious to me than making any goal weight on the scale.

I remember what I looked like a few weeks before I had my first son...here is me at 34 weeks {Warning: Blast from the Past below!}:

And I grew even larger that next 6 weeks. It was hard to imagine getting back down to size after that...but somehow, with hard work and dedication, at 6 months postpartum, this is what I looked like:

With all my hard work, I actually weighed a good bit LESS than I did pre-prego.

Now, with pregnancy #2, I got big again...this is me at 4 days before Breckin was born:

I know, DAMN, right? Haha. I will admit that I remember feeling like I had to work a bit harder to see results after having Breckin - and maybe that was because I was caring for two kids instead of one - but somehow I made it back down again. Here is me shortly before getting pregnant a 3rd time:

I wouldn't say I was the best I could be, but hey, I know I got that far, I can do it again. For me, it's all about making the time for fitness, which I make sure I do. That's half the battle. I find that eventually, the rest falls into place.

I need to accept my body for the amazing things it's accomplished - the biggest of those accomplishments being bringing these beautiful babies into the world. I need to stop being so hard on myself and fat-shaming myself while pregnant. So for now, I'm going to let go of the worry about "getting my body back" and put faith into myself. I am going to enjoy the time I have making this beautiful daughter of mine and feeling her kicks. The last thing I ever want to do is teach her to be hard on herself physically...I want her to know body acceptance and the importance of taking care of yourself...I don't want her to see me be harsh and judgmental of my own "flaws" and instill that memory in her mind. She should always know she's good enough...and I need to know that I'm good enough.

So though it may be a while after I have her, I hope to come here and provide an "after" that proves that I had nothing to worry about and that I just needed to be accepting of the changes my body was going through at the time.

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